The August Newsletter
- G.E.N
- Feb 24
- 9 min read
Updated: Aug 1
This month sponsored by:
Saudi Arabia is roughly 16 times larger than England, yet doesn't contain a single permanent river.
Samuel L. Jackson has appeared in 45 films that have each grossed over $100 million, a record among thespians.
Woody Harrelson's father was a convicted hitman, and was sentenced to two life sentences for assassinating a federal judge.
'A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.'
John Barrymore
'I intend to live forever, or die trying.'
Groucho Marx
The Quiz Challenge
For all those fans of Only Connect, have a go at my own Connecting Wall below (for anyone not familiar with the concept an example can be found here).
Perhaps unsurprisingly, nobody solved July's wall. Dom T was once again the closest, a valiant effort considering he was also in intensive care for a week following major cancer surgery, but unfortunately close isn't quite good enough. I'm sure we all wish him a speedy recovery, and better luck with this month's puzzle.
First person to contact me with August's solution wins. And, as always, feel free to send it on to any other nerds you know, it's open to anyone.
A surprising number of people have been in touch asking how I'm managing to interview the likes of Danny Dyer and David Attenborough. I presumed the fact David Attenborough said he wanted to be fired out of a cannon at his funeral would have been a hint that these interviews are all a figment of my imagination, but for anyone still unsure, these interviews are all a figment of my imagination.
This month I was lucky enough to sit down with Greg Wallace.
GEN: Obviously you’ve been at the heart of a media storm recently, regarding comments you made to various-
GW: And, once again, I’d like to make a sincere apology to any of the women who may have taken some entirely innocent comments, I allegedly made, the wrong way. It was all just a silly misunderstanding.
GEN: The allegations seem to cover at least a decade.
GW: There’s no time limit on misunderstandings.
GEN: Would you call yourself a misoginist?
GW: Of course not! I love women! I’ve been married four times for goodness sake, that tells you everything you need to know.
GEN: So you’d say most of your comments were just playful banter?
GW: Exactly. Just very, very funny jokes and blisteringly quick one-liners that were taken the wrong way, by a certain ilk of woman.
GEN: What do you mean by that?
GW: Well, I never heard any of the attractive female interns complaining! They just got me, they understood my humour, they would always laugh along. In fact, everyone below me on the call-sheet laughed along. The only ones who complained were the other A-list celebs; at least the ones who were, shall we say, a bit older. A bit more middle-class. I hate to use the word sour-pusses but I think you catch my drift.
GEN: People like Kirsty Wark?
GW: Bingo. I mean, she should be so lucky to get an innuendo thrown at her these days! She’s hardly a spring chicken. And I should know, I've spent my life around veg and poultry.
GEN: I think people have also found it slightly distasteful that you’ve used your recent autism diagnosis as an excuse for your actions.
GW: But I can’t help my disability, can I? The whole point of autism is that you end up making lots of social gaffes - it basically says it on the tin. I mean, if I’d accidentally groped a woman - not Kirsty obviously, but someone younger and more attractive - and then been diagnosed as fully blind, would those people still be annoyed at me for bringing up my disability? I doubt it.
GEN: I don’t quite follow what you’re -
GW: I’m saying if I’d groped a woman - again, not Kirsty, but some hot young blonde - and got in trouble, and then was diagnosed as being completely blind, my condition would be a perfectly valid excuse for my actions as I clearly couldn’t see what I was doing. Well, autism is like being completely blind in every social setting, with no stick or guide dog to help you - every conversation I’m involved in I’m out there on my own, feeling around with my hands, hoping the other person will understand that I didn’t mean to grope them, metaphorically speaking, I was just searching for the light switch. My autism basically excuses everything I’ve ever done, and yet people are somehow still annoyed at me for bringing it up.
GEN: Your ghostwriter Shannon Kyle claims you opened the door to her completely naked.
GW: As I say, us autists do some whacky stuff, I don’t get it either. It’s a condition.
GEN: Do you think there’s a way back for you in the mainstream media?
GW: Definitely. As long as my old mucker John Torode is still on Masterchef, fighting my corner, I’m sure that-
GEN: John was fired for racism.
GW: Bollocks. What did they get him on, his aborigine joke? I told him to stop doing the dance but he just wouldn’t listen.
GEN: Greg, thank you for your time.
I recently came across the following quote:
'Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those we cannot resemble.'
Samuel Johnson
I was struck by how this applies to nearly all the great British sitcom characters, from David Brent to Alan Partridge, Basil Fawlty to Hyacinth Bucket, Del Boy to Captain Mainwaring. It seems we Brits find this disparity particularly funny - someone earnestly attempting to be someone they're not. And the more oblivious, deluded and immodest they are, the funnier they become.
As a side note, I'm not sure this applies quite as much to American sitcom characters. People say that British comedy revolves around a loser, while US comedies often focused on characters who were a bit smarter than those around them, allowing them to deliver wisecracks (with the likes of Sergeant Bilko, Lucy from I Love Lucy, Groucho Marx etc). This has probably evolved over time, but I think there are still certain disparities there, and execs often like to point out that British sitcoms don't 'play' globally, the way American ones do. (I wonder what it is, in our cultural tradition, that means we particularly enjoy laughing at deluded losers?)
My challenge to you is to think of the most unintentionally funny person you know - someone ridiculous you can't help laughing at, rather than with - and see if this quote rings true for them. Who is it they're trying to resemble, and what's the personality flaw which means they'll never get there?
Art or AI?
This is where I feed the title of an artwork into an AI image generator as a prompt, and you have to guess which is the original and which one is AI generated.
This month the artwork was named'The Laughing Cavalier' by Frans Hals, but which is the original?
Option One:
Option Two:
Answers on a postcard.
I've started making YouTube Shorts and short vids with the help of some AI programmes, and have been pumping out two every week. A few hot off the press:
Three main takeaways from making these videos so far:
The process is amazingly quick. That Puddle World video took me an hour to make, from first having the idea to completing it.
It's been interesting watching the video generator change over time: for example, a couple of weeks ago you could use the prompt 'Generate someone who looks like a Labour MP...' then that became off limits. Then it became verboten to use the prompt 'Interviewing a person standing outside the Houses of Parliament,' and the other day it wouldn't let me generate a video while using the term 'a person giving a speech' (although naturally there are workarounds to all of these). It just makes you very aware of how new this tech is, and what a minefield it is for these companies trying to police it.
YouTube algorithms are bizarre. One video will get 3 views, the next will get thousands, and there's seemingly no rhyme or reason why.
If you want to be notified every time I upload a new vid, subscribe to the G.E YouTube channel here.
This month Chris got in touch.
Dear The Good Egg Network,
My wife really wants to go abroad on holiday, but I can’t stand flying, and get motion sickness on trains, cars and boats, what should I do? Thanks, Chris.
GEN: Any advice Ayokawe?
A: What is a holiday?
GEN: It’s when you take a little break from your regular life. And it often involving travelling to a different place. Have you ever done something like that?
A: I have been further down the river before, yes.
GEN: That’s sort of like a holiday then.
A: I was washed away while fishing on the bank near my village, and taken many miles down stream by the current.
GEN: Ok, well we probably wouldn’t call that a holiday.
A: But I very much enjoyed the return journey, and made the most of it, making camp every night on my own, under the stars.
GEN: Right, well that is more like a holiday. Maybe a spontaneous trip perhaps.
A: I was only five years old, so the jungle was all new to me.
GEN: I wouldn’t even call that a trip actually, that’s more of a disaster.
A: But now each year I go back and do the same journey.
GEN: Well that definitely is a holiday!
A: Because each year I am accidentally swept away while fishing, from exactly the same spot.
GEN: Nope, that’s just bad planning.
A: But my advice is to embrace difficulty and change, these are the things that shape our nature, telling us who we are now and what we can be in the future. And remember to swim close to the bank, it's shallower there.
GEN: Chris, I hope that helps.
This month I attempted to invent my own healthy treat, that would be quick to make and I could replace my usual junk.
200g Oats
2 Bananas
70g Chopped Walnuts
70g Chopped Dates
70g Dark Chocolate Chunks
1 tbsp Honey
1 tbsp Rapeseed Oil
2 tsps Ground Cinnamon
2 Eggs (beaten)
50ml Milk
Heat your (fan) oven to 170C and cover a 20cm square baking tray (or something with a similar volume) with baking paper.
Add the oats, dates, walnuts, small chocolate chunks and cinnamon to a large bowl, before throwing in a pinch of salt.
In a separate bowl mash the bananas together then add the honey, eggs, oil and milk, and give them a good stir.
Add the wet ingredients to the dry and give it a good mix before adding into into your baking tray. Firmly compress the mixture down with the back of a spoon until it's all the same height (about an inch).
Cook it for around 30 minutes, then carefully take it out of the tin and let it cool on a wire rack for 20 minutes. Then cut them up into small squares to have throughout the week.
Context
You can eat these pretty much guilt free, as they're sweet but all the ingredients have beneficial properties: oats and bananas are obviously very good for you, walnuts are often cited as the healthiest nut, cinnamon is one of the most beneficial spices, dates are sugary but also full of nutrients and fibre, nice dark choc (like Green and Black's 85%) improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure, eggs are full of good proteins, rapeseed oil is one of the healthier cooking oils and high in unsaturated fats, and honey is rich in antioxidants that help to protect your immune system. Job's a good'un.
Content & Recommendations
Don't forget to check out the Good Egg Spotify playlist, which is constantly updated with great new songs, and a poem to leave you with:
When I have fears that I may cease to be
by John Keats
When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen’d grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starr’d face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love!—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.
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See you in September
Lots of love
P